Shoplifting Off The Radio

Great Day to You, Friday Fun Facters!

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Special Announcements:

RIP: “Macho Man” Randy Savage. May you be having fun in the big wrestling ring in the sky…

Thank You: To everyone who sent me birthday wishes, or participated in my surprise birthday party. I’m blessed to know you all…

Thank You: To the men & women, past & present, and those who made the ultimate sacrifice. We salute & honor you all this Memorial Day weekend…

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So, what would it take for you to do some shoplifting? A new cd? A dress? A ring? A book? Would you EVER consider it? Would you consider it an act of desperation or a just a challenge to see if you could get away with it?

Special Note I: Of course, The Committee does not condone the act of shoplifting, unless you’re absolutely sure you can get away with it!

http://www.baynews9.com/article/news/2011/may/245702/Shoplifting-suspects-haul:-Red-bull-and-pregnancy-test

Here’s the problem: the alleged shoplifter didn’t apply success principles to her plan. She didn’t dream big. If you’re going to dream that you got away with stealing that can of Red Bull, magazines, and pregnancy test, you should dream bigger – a case of Red Bull, a pile of magazines, and a pallet of pregnancy tests for you and all your friends!

So, instead of dwelling unnecessarily on the perpetrator’s mistakes, Friday Fun Fact thought it best to go over success-based strategy tips for the shoplifter:

  • DREAM BIG. If you’re going to risk shoplifting with today’s technology, you have to understand the risks. If you’re going to risk jail time, then make the crime worth the risk. Instead of an energy drink & a pregnancy test, do you have access to a large money account? Why be a small time hood when you can be a big time crook?!
  • PLAN THE HEIST ACCORDINGLY. What is your goal? Is it a temporary fix, or a long term destination?
  • PLAN YOUR ESCAPE. How are you going to exit the store/building? Where are the cameras? Did you hide how you accessed the account by computer?
  • EXECUTE YOUR PLAN. Don’t vary from your plan & don’t get greedy. This is one of the big downfalls of the amateur criminal. Remember what happened in Point Break?! I suspect the alleged shoplifter got greedy. Maybe she stole the pregnancy test just in case she needed it in the future. Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time.
  • HAVE A CONTINGENCY PLAN. Even the best-laid plans can hit a snag. ”Officer! Officer! My friend was falling asleep in the passenger side of the vehicle. I want to pay for the Red Bull & magazine, but it was necessary to get them to my friend immediately to keep her awake.”
  • MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A VALID PASSPORT. Part of your escape plan should be to travel a destination where it’s hard to be extradited to the United States – like California or New Jersey.
  • DON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT YOU’RE PLANNING, OR WHERE YOU’RE GOING. This strategy is another oversight by the amateur criminal ultimately leading to their downfall.

Special Disclaimer: Really?! Do we have to include this?! Since we are now part of a public forum, please remember Friday Fun Fact’s weekly (or almost weekly!) episodes are here to find humor in life, not to condone illegal behavior. We aren’t the cast of characters from Ocean’s 11… yet.

Special Disclaimer, Also: We’ve left some important pieces to the puzzle out of our steps to shoplifting success. After all, we can’t give away all our secrets!

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Tunes of the Week:

Been Caught Stealing – Jane’s Addiction

Steal Away – Ozzy Osbourne

Stealing Cinderella – Chuck Wicks

Disappear – Metallica

Drive South – Suzy Boggus (Original by John Hiatt)

Living On The Edge – White Lion

Escape – Journey

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Raise A Memorial Glass!

MayYour Friday Be Followed By A Criminal Saturday!

D

RealizarSus Ambiciones

      

Published in: on 13Maypm1111 at 1:30 pm  Leave a Comment  

Life On BackOrder

Great Day to You, Friday Fun Facters!

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Special Announcement:

Welcome to the New Era in Friday Fun Fact History! The Business Development team finally had time, energy, and effort to put this new forum together. (Special Note I: Basically, it happened by participating in an Independent Social Interaction Study today – taking today off!). As a direct result of this jump to a major network, our episodes will be able to expand upon their topic base and viewpoint. For those who are a little squeamish, we understand your trepidation, but hope you choose to give our new outlook an opportunity to make you laugh and smile before you change the channel. We are taking a “Ready, Fire, Aim” approach to the design, so there may be changes in both the near and
distant futures. Your feedback is welcome!

A big, bold THANK YOU to those who have asked by text, e-wave, phone, and smoke signal where Friday Fun Fact has been for the last two or three weeks. (Special Note II: JenL, your complaint has been addressed with The Committee, who acknowledge your complaint with noted apology in the meeting minutes and hereby award you a Friday!). Just so our readership is made aware, the past two episodes are written and will appear on this channel in the near future… we think. Please feel free to pass this channel on to your friends & family, as we always welcome more readers!

We hope you enjoy our new station setting!

D                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Official Scribe, Friday Fun Fact

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It’s been a crazy, chaotic week! Jetted to the fantabulous city of Columbus Tuesday night for a Bon Jovi concert sans a rehabbing Richie Sambora; to The Q for a Get Motivated business seminar on Wednesday, and putting a brand-new roof on my very humble abode. Suffice to say, my head is still swimming…

And somewhere in there, I suffered another birthday. Another mile marker on the road of life that always provides an opportunity to wax the philosophic in terms of life’s dreams, aspirations, achievements, mistakes, miss-steps, and overly-dramatic events. It also provides an opportunity to look forward. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

Special Press Release:

To Address An “Age-Old” Question

Some will tell you – without proper documentation, by the way – that I am “The New Thirty.” Again, this is without proper documentation. If you ask me, I’ll tell you I’m thir… thir… twenty-nine. Fortunately, by donating funds to build a new mathematical institute hut at a small university close to the equator, the students at that university have provided appropriate mathematical equations to keep my age exactly where it is today…

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This week, I’ve examined A LOT. I’ve also come up with more questions than answers.

One big question is “Where is life taking me?”

The appropriate answer to the big question is:

     Where am I going to take life?!

I somehow managed to find symbolic, if not explicit, answers in this year’s gifts, from the greatest friends & family one can have.

Gifts“Received”

  • An email from a friend I consider a brother telling me that my gift is a weekend with him, as long as I provide the BEER for the weekend…
  • A card from two friends I met by chance & circumstance who I now consider family, in which the note in the card said my gift was on backorder
  • A set of “adopted” parents told me my BIRTHDAY CARD was on backorder!!!
  • After arriving home from the night of celebration, I read a note from my sister telling me my gift hadn’t arrived yet…
  • The Bon Jovi concert that was my birthday gift from Dr.S even started 30 minutes late! But this, I hold not against the band. Clearly, Jon & Co. would not have done this on purpose. Right?!?!?!

Should I be examining the symbolic consequences of each of these “gifts” as a karma-boomerang for what some refer to as “Dan Time?” For those that don’t know, I am almost always 20 minutes late to any function due to a series of misadventures that always seem to precede an event or function. To my friends, I thank you always for your patience, and I will continually try to change this as I come ever-closer to my elusive thirtieth birthday.

Do I look at these “gifts” as a life-long theme? The proverbial “story of my life?” Just close enough to getting there, but not quite? A little like one of Friday Fun Fact’s recurring characters, Mr. John McClane always being the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time? John – I raise a glass – or a TV dinner – to ya!

Or, do I just laugh & say “Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night.” Someday, I’ll be in a time & place where the moment is perfect. But maybe the perfection is within the concept that nothing can be…

Understand, that even though I appreciate the gifts, the best gift given to me by any of my friends & family is their time & effort to say “Happy Birthday” and opportunity to listen to their stories over food, and of course, BEER! And, as my friends know well, I probably wouldn’t have opened the gifts in front of them anyway…

As the saying goes, “when life hands you lemons, drink more beer.” Or, something like that…

Regardless, as a wise man (my father) once said, “he who has the most birthdays lives the longest.”

Here’s to another year…

So, going in to a new year of my life, the lesson learned this week from these events & circumstances is…

               Don’t Live Your Life On BackOrder!

Look forward towards your future positively, not towards your past mistakes & digressions. In the immortal words of the great American philosopher, Jon BonJovi:

Welcome To Wherever You Are – you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be…

Thank you to all of my friends & family for your advice, time, enthusiasm, and incredible birthday wishes. YOU are the best & most amazing gift any 29-year-old can have!

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Tunes Of The Week:

It’s My Life – Bon Jovi

Nobody Rides For Free – Ratt

Take Hold Of The Flame – Queensryche

Old Enough To Know Better – Paul Brandt

Just Older – Bon Jovi

Best Of Friends – Dangerous Toys

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Raise a Properly-Aged Glass!

May Your Friday The 13th Be Followed By A Saturday The 14th!

In Life & Laughter…

D

Realizar  Sus Ambiciones

Published in: on 13Maypm1111 at 5:06 pm  Comments (8)  

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Published in: on 13Maypm1111 at 4:47 pm  Comments (1)