Red, White, & Tool Users

Great Day to You, Friday Fun Facters!


Special Announcements:


“Down goes Frazier!” Only this time, unfortunately, he’s not getting back up. Smokin’ Joe Frazier, former Olympic & Undisputed World Heavyweight boxing champion, lost his battle outside of the ring with liver cancer earlier this week. Keep fighting the good fight, Joe. The memories you left behind still invoke frozen moments in time of the great gladiators of the ring from days gone by.

Happy Veteran’s Day!

A heartfelt “thank you” to all of our Veterans, past, present, and future, for all you do & sacrifice to protect & defend this nation, as well as others in the line of duty. We can never repay your acts in full, but we can honor you in every way possible. We respectfully salute you & offer to raise a glass with you on this day of celebration of your service. Thank you for making sure these colors don’t run.

National Metal Day!

Get out your horns, baby! “Turn Up The Radio” & “Bang Your Head!” Today is National Metal Day! The powers that be are putting me in the Iron Maiden (“Excellent!”) as we speak! But that’s not going to stop me! If you think metal is dead, well, “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’!”


I’m not a tool guy. And, I’m definitely not a Mr. Fix-It or Mr. Renovations guy. My good friend, & fellow Friday Fun Fact member, HalF, God rest his soul (Special Note I: No, HalF isn’t dead, he just lives in New Jersey.), is a MacGyver Jedi Master at this stuff. My fellow accomplice & Friday Fun Fact casual observer, WaltK gets paid for this kind of stuff. My good friends ChrisW & KenD are pretty good with a glue gun & some electrical wiring (not at the same time!). Casual Observer KendraP also has a noteworthy Master’s degree in home renovations, whether she believes it or not! (Special Note II: Just ask her about her bathroom & basement renovations!) And, naturally, my dad is a full blackbelt Jedi Master. However, every now & then – and by that, I mean ever third or fourth Blue Moon (beer!), I get all kinds of adventurous-crazy and try to walk to the edge of repairs & renovations and use some tools.

So, there I was, right in the middle of needing a tool to make some quick wire cuts and move on with life. This would have accomplished two tasks (I like to multi-task like that!):

  • Begin the organizational overhaul needed in my bathroom
  • Get some oldequipment out of the house and on to the recycling curb while providing for some potential repair resources for a later date

I love it when it when a plan comes together…almost.

All I need is a pair of diagonal cutters. The slang term for this tool (yes, I know this!) is a pair of dikes.

First, I call Dad. I let him know what I’m doing, just through the natural course of conversation. Dad doesn’t want me to go buy any tools – he has them all; or, almost all. One problem: we live a couple-three counties apart, so I might get a chance to borrow the diagonal cutters sometime months from now.

A little background on my relationship with my Dad when it comes to tools is this: to this day, he still explains to me the difference between a flat screwdriver and a Phillips screwdriver. Now, again, I know I’m not a tool guy. But I think by this time, I have this one down.


Me: I’m going to go to the store and get a pair of diagonal cutters.

Dad: What do you need those for?!

Me: Uh, because I want to cut the cords off some stuff so I can keep the cords and start cleaning up some equipment.

Dad: Don’t go buy them, I have a pair you can borrow.

Me: Dad, I’d like to get this task accomplished sooner than later.

Dad: Well, don’t buy an expensive pair.

Great! Now I have permission to buy a tool for my own needs for my own home! How lucky am I?

A couple of weeks go by, as higher priorities crawl into my intent and agenda. Before heading out to a party one night, I call Casual Observer WaltK. I figure we are meeting up, so I’ll borrow a pair of his diagonal cutters for the moment just to get the task done, even though I have permission from Dad to go buy a pair.


Me: Hey, do you have a pair of diagonal cutters I can borrow for a day or two?

WaltK: What do you need those for?!

 Conversational Sidebar: You know, at this point, I’m starting to think both Dad & WaltK are afraid of what I might damage I might do to myself or my property with a pair of diagonal cutters.

Don’t worry – it gets even better.

Me: I want to cut some cords off of some equipment and get the stuff out of my house.

WaltK: Well, just bag the stuff up & bring it with you. We’ll take care of it when we meet up.

Seriously?! What is going on here?! Do you need a license to use this tool?! Do I have to take a class or something? They’re just like a pair of scissors, right?! Look I’m pretty darn sure that I’ve used them before. It’s not like a circular saw or anything. I think I got it.

Regardless, I bag the stuff up and head out to the party. Unfortunately, WaltK gets sick and doesn’t attend the party (Special Note III: Rest assured he feels much better now!).

Now, I’m starting to think this is not only a “Dan shouldn’t be using tools” thing, but also a cosmic or Karma thing. Did I do something wrong to the Universe? Or, the Underverse for that matter?! (Special Note IV: Right now WaltK is cracking up at that last statement. You’ll understand if you’re a movie buff!)

I’m at a loss, AND, as Fate would have it, also at a loss of time for yet another few days to make any arrangements on my own to stop at a store and, against the advisement of the Cosmos, pick-up a pair of diagonal cutters.

FINALLY the tide turns. WaltK is stopping over my house to help reassemble a gutter. This by the way, is another episodic adventure that will be written at another time. It will be called: Losing Tools In The Dark Of Night & Expecting To Find Them With A Flashlight. Maybe. All of the other titles in my head would have led the readership down a VERY wrong path. I digress. The tide turns. WaltK arrives shortly before nightfall to fix the gutter. Afterwards, we are going to reward ourselves with some Great Lakes Christmas Ale. It’s the first night they are tapping the kegs for the season at Great Lakes Brewery.

Just a wee bit before we head towards the Ginger & Cinnamon-Flavored light, WaltK drops the tailgate on the back of the pick-up. Here, I am, once again, “all back of the bus & stuff.” He pulls out a pair of diagonal cutters and begins separating the cords from the hair dryers. We get into the explanation of why I have a few of them (they burnout & I buy a new one). The job is done. The hair dryers are in a recycle bag, and the cords are taking downstairs and hung up in my “workshop.”

Mission Accomplished. And notice, I still wasn’t allowed to use the diagonal cutters…


Tunes of the Week:

      Hard Hat And A Hammer – Alan Jackson

      Between The Hammer & The Anvil – Judas Priest

      Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters

      Hammer To Fall – Queen

      The Needle And Your Pain – Lillian Axe

      Maxwell’s Sliver Hammer – The Beatles

      Lateralus – Tool


Raise A Hardly-Repaired Glass!

May Your Friday Be Followed By A Renovated Saturday!


Realizar Sus Ambiciones


Published in: on 13Novpm1111 at 2:24 pm  Leave a Comment  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: