What Does “Regular” Smell Like?

Great Day to You, Friday Fun Facters!

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Special Announcements:

RIP I: Whitney Houston. An incredible voice silenced, tragically, long before her time.

RIP II: Gary Carter. You played the game of baseball with the enthusiasm & energy we all strive for in our daily lives. Keep on playin’, Kid!

Lady & Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!: Right after we get through the rain delay…

Welcome Back to the new season of NASCAR. Many hours spent watching traffic on television on Sundays after spending all week battling it live in person…

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There I was, out on my routine weekly shopping adventure for food, odds, AND ends. Shopping advertisements & coupons in hand, and trying to get the best value for my ever-shrinking dollars. Heading down the hygiene product aisle at the local almost-discontinued & discount store, searching for, well, hygiene products!

During this week’s adventure, I was on a search for deodorant. The darn stuff costs too much anyway for what it is when you think about it. However, the flip side is, it’s like car insurance – we really can’t live without it. Unlike previously unsuccessful expeditions for molasses, deodorant is a little easier to find in the store. So, as I window-shopped the brand that would provide me with the coupon savings, I came across something that may have been missed by the marketing gurus. The flavors of deodorant spanned wide spectrum of earth, wind, fire, & surf. But one such flavor stuck out like a turnip-colored prom dress at a soccer game:

Regular

This of course inspired all sorts of questions. How does the company know I want to smell “regular?” Are they saying smelling “regular” is an upgrade for me? Should I be offended? What if I want to smell ordinary instead? Most important of all, what does “regular” smell like?

Of course, it also creates the responsive dilemma of whether or not I want, or would like, to smell “regular.” And therein lies the next enigma: How does one find out what “regular” smells like? The deodorant containers are closed. It’s not like at the cologne counter, where there are samples of cologne. The deodorant containers are hermetically sealed like Oscar envelopes.

With other scents, you can hazard a quality guess – ocean surf, Irish Spring original scent, phoenix (think musk), or icy blast. OK, probably not that last one unless you live far enough north of the Mason-Dixon Line to smell winter on a regular basis.

Does one open the deodorant lid in order to get a whiff of the scent? I suppose you could. There’s not a law against it. And yet, one feels awkward, like a criminal, for opening the deodorant in the store before purchasing it – kind of like getting your hands caught in the cookie jar.

What happens if a disapproving manager finds out? What if one of the employees sees you, can’t find a manager, and announces he or she saw you open the deodorant over the loudspeaker?

“Erve, I wasn’t even IN aisle 5!”

And, on top of all of that, I’m trying to get the best value I can with this darn coupon!

Am I supposed to just buy the “regular” deodorant and live with the mediocrity?! Or do I forego the best value for the money spent and move on to a scent I know I enjoy – the scent that makes me a better man?!

Oh, the agony!

If the marketing gurus really knew me, they’d know I want to smell “Exceptional”…

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Tunes Of The Week:

Ordinary Average Guy – Joe Walsh

An Average Song – Allan Sherman

Pick Up The Pieces – Average White Band

Not So Average – V. Rose

Not Your American Average – Asking Alexandria

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Raise Your Glass (If You’re “Sure!”)!

May Your Monday Magically Be Followed By A Friday!

D

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Published in: on 13Febpm1211 at 11:02 pm  Leave a Comment